Personal Goal Setting: Why It’s Important And How To Do It

Driven by her ‘mum guilt’, my sister, who already has a full-time job, recently volunteered at her son’s school. She showed up early and told herself that she couldn’t leave until the task to clean the school gym equipment was done properly and thoroughly. She described how she could hear this inner voice pushing her towards achieving this target whilst another voice said, “What on earth are you doing here? You can barely keep up with all the domestic work at home! Get a grip!”. 

Sounds familiar?

Why are we so good at achieving goals set for us by others (either directly or what we assume to be their goals), but we struggle so much to set and achieve our own goals? More importantly, what can we do about it?

Why are personal goals important?

First of all, let's consider why it is important to set goals. In the article “Personal Goal Setting - ­ Planning to Live Your Life Your Way” by Mindtools, they explain that goal setting is important for having a long-term vision and short-term motivation and how achieving the goals can help us raise self-confidence. 

This got me thinking about the challenges of goal setting faced by many working women whether they are working full-time for an employer or have their own business, whether they are single or in a relationship, whether they are a parent or child-free. Reflecting on my own life and my relationship with goal setting, one thing remains constant no matter how much I learn about the theory of it: I am better at achieving goals set for me by others (whether it be an employer or a close family member).

What gets in the way of achieving personal goals?

When we set goals for ourselves, we often don’t give them the same level of importance as the things we do for others. As social creatures, our motivation to achieve goals that impact others comes from not wanting to let others down or not wanting to seem incompetent, etc.

Therefore, are we more inclined to achieve our own goals if we include the impact of it on others?

Take going back to work after parental leave. A set of personal goals could be based on earning more money, or being happy and a sense of fulfilment by using the professional skills and knowledge that we acquired. However, these personal goals may be harder to achieve, especially if there is pushback from our environment that feeds our own narratives about why pursuing these things may be ‘selfish’. Therefore, externally derived goals could be more manageable. Providing more income for the household? Being a role model for your children? Using your job to create good in the world? By leveraging our personal needs for external validation, these (personal goals) could be more easily met.

How to change your attitude towards personal goal setting

So, if you are struggling with defining or achieving your personal goals, know that you are not alone. What is probably getting in the way is deeply held subconscious beliefs and motivations that will sabotage every effort you make to achieve them. Changing these beliefs will take time and effort so until you are able to do that, you can start by reframing or reshaping these goals to factor in some degree of external validation and engagement.

A way to achieve more sustainable change towards achieving your personal goals is to engage in a transformational coaching program. Together with your coach, you will not only be able to set meaningful and memorable development goals but you will also be given the opportunity to dig deeper into your belief system to uncover the barriers that stop you from achieving your goals. You will get an opportunity to rewrite the story you tell yourself about the importance of achieving your goals for yourself.