What Having It All Really Means
When Jacinda Ardern announced her resignation as Prime Minister of New Zealand, there was, understandably, widespread shock amongst those who follow politics and world news, but even more so, with a broader audience who have nothing to do with the governing of this small island nation. After all, her charm, charisma and following as a young woman leader extended far beyond the 5 million population of New Zealand. She knew her words would be analysed and she chose them well.
“I know there will be much discussion in the aftermath of this decision as to what the so-called “real” reason was. I can tell you, that what I am sharing today is it.
The only interesting angle you will find is that after going on six years of some big challenges, that I am human. Politicians are human. We give all that we can, for as long as we can, and then it’s time.
And for me, it’s time.”
There were plenty of reports that followed, including one by the BBC that got panned by critics worldwide for its condescending title – Jacinda Ardern resigns: Can women really have it all? The BBC was quick to change the title, but that sparked a thought in my head – Who really defines what having it all is?
What Do Women Think Having It All Is
A few years ago, I was delivering a workshop to Women in Finance, Asia (WiFA) mentees in Hong Kong on the topic – ‘Can you have it all’? Prior to the workshop, I asked the participants to fill up a form. I wanted to understand what the term meant to them, what they defined as ‘having it all’ and if they knew anyone who had it all. Not surprisingly, most of them believed that ‘having it all’ meant being able to balance all aspects of life, but particularly, to have a successful career while having a loving partner and children.
The Origin Of “Having It All”
It's rather strange that the term comes from a book by Helen Gurley Brown as advice to single, working women. The book title wasn’t even one she chose. A New York Times Magazine article mentions that she wanted to call it ‘The Mouseburger Plan’ – a book for women who start with nothing and still manage to have love, success, sex and money. Children don’t even find too much of a mention in the book.
And yet today, we only feel we have it all if there is a bit of everything – money, power, success, love, sex, children, religion, support, friends, mentors – all co-existing in perfect harmony.
Can A Career Coach Help You Have It All?
As a career coach, my job is to help my clients live up to their highest potential by defining their life and career goals and then taking steps to achieve those. However, living up to one’s highest potential is not a destination. If that were the case, then many of us would feel we had it all as soon as we ticked off certain life and career milestones – reaching a coveted position, starting a business, paying for our kids’ education in an Ivy League university…
Instead, living up to one’s highest potential is a continuous and changing journey, with some bends in the road being mapped out in advance, and yet others, springing a complete surprise on us. This journey is a process of maturity, of realising that no one else can define whether we have it all or not. If we feel fulfilled and secure, even with little money in our pocket and no idea of where we are headed, we can define and refine what we most want and need in life and then work towards having it all. So as Jacinda Ardern looks forward to being there as her daughter starts school and suggests to her partner that they finally find the time to get married, it could well be her getting ready to have it all.